My future

Soon enough, we will all be out of high school. Some will go to college; some will be in service; some will work. Fortunately, I have four more years of relaxation by going to college. However, what do I want to do with my life? I mentioned before that I would like happiness. What is happiness for me?

Growing up in a Chinese family, I have a strong sense of materialism. So much of our normal conversation is money-related. And as a Chinese, sons and duaghters have to contribute to the parents' well-being. Therefore, they are investing on me. My dad is more materialistic, and since I was in 9th grade, he said, "you have to choose what you want to do, now," or "Science is good. do it." Unfortunately, I am a disgraceful son of his. I am never good at science. His pressure ultimately led to a series of confrontations between him and me. I could finally tell him directly, "I need time." Now, he still periodically bit.hes it. However, I ain't listening to him.

My mom is rather relaxed. Remember how she chose tailoring over accounting, which was popular in Hong Kong, she told me to choose what I want to do. "No one is forcing you to do anything," she said, "It is America. Choose what you want." Even though she is relatively relaxed, it doesn't mean I have infinite amount of time to choose. I am not from a wealthy family. time is money. College is money. I go there, get my degree, get the hell out and start working... all that nice 4-year experience crap isn't my parents' main concern.

Today, I was supposed to visit College Park. However, I could not get a ride. I didn't go eventually. For many students in the school, it seems like a big loss. "How can you not go there before you make your decision?" For me, it is not a big deal. My family didn't take it seriously too. My family cares more about the tuition than anything. My happiness in college isn't a big concern either.

It is really different at school and at home. At school, I feel more relaxed and comfortable. Students all talk about freedom and such. Once I go home, it is just so...jail-like. Yesterday, my dad and I had a big fight on car. He was accusing me of selfishness.... because I wanted to get a car for pursuit of freedom. He even said that as a 17-year-old, I have no qualification to be free, since I still have to depend on them. How different it is from the life in school, at which people take driving, thus freedom, for grant.... while I stay in the "jail" after 2:15.

Sometimes, I am just numb, and think the pursuit of happiness is stupid and childish. Or maybe I am just jealous of those who are happy and free. This is my life.

Will I pursue happiness in college? Or when I have a good job? Or later when I have money? Or when I have my family? Living in a Chinese family, it really seems as if happiness is a childish pursuit. However, what do I want? HAPPINESS.....